This Thanksgiving make your Turkey Toxic!
Toxic Turkey
2 large onions, peeled and chopped
Prep time: 1 hr
Cook time: 30 seconds
1 small Turkey 5-8 lbs. The smaller the better.
1 drum of high-grade Toxic waste. New York toxic waste is preferred. It has something to do with the water.
2 cups kosher salt
2 large onions, peeled and chopped
4 carrots, peeled and chopped
4 stalks celery, chopped
1 bay leaf
1 bottle dry white wine. This is for keeping your sanity while preparing this large meal. Bottoms up!
Note: Please do not attempt this recipe with a live Turkey. It is not only humane but the results can be unstable. Have you ever tried to eat a Turkey with Super Turkey strength? Take it from me it is not pretty.
1. Rub the turkey inside and out with the kosher salt. Place the bird in a large stock pot, and cover with cold water. Place in the refrigerator, and allow the turkey to soak in the salt and water mixture 12 hours, or overnight. Drink some wine.
2. Open drum and prepare dipping tools. Drink some wine.
3. Don't worry about thoroughly rinsing the turkey, all bacteria will die or mutate and large enough to remove before eating. Dump the brine in the drum of Toxic Waste. Drink some wine
4. Stuff Turkey with 1 onion, 1/2 the carrots, 1/2 the celery, the bay leaf and Parsley, Sage, Rosemary and Thyme. Are you humming? Toss remaining vegetables in the drum of Toxic Waste. Drink some wine.
5. Dip the Turkey into the drum of Toxic Waste for 30 seconds. Any longer and your bird may look like Christopher Lloyd at the end of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit?". Drink some wine.
(note: Make sure you are wearing heavy duty rubber gloves! Also, make sure you read this before step 5.)
6. Let the Turkey to for 1 hour before carving. Drink some wine!
(Toxie and the producers of Toxic Avenger the Musical are not liable for anyone who may try this recipe. This recipe has been known to cause hair loss, breast enlargement and tenderness, mouth sores, diarrhea, abdominal pain and loss of sight.)
HAPPY THANKSGIVING FROM TOXIE!!!
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INFO
Press Contact:
O&M Co.
333 West 39 Street, Suite 601
New York, NY 10018
(212) 695-7400
Rick Miramontez – rick@oandmco.com
Richard Hillman – richard@oandmco.com
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